sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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