I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
