The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
