my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
