I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
