I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
