I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
