im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize