would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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