it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
