Kiss
Puke
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
