just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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