you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Of course I have a pirate flag
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
