We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
