so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize