just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
