there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
