with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
