some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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