Where is the hickey?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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