She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
