This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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