Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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