Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
