We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
