i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
