woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
