i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
