umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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