Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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