As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
