oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
