Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
