our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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