I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize