i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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