Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do herpes really smell.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
