I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Say something about gay babies.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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