Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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