I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize