david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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