This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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