ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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