he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
