Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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