ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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