Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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