I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
