My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize