Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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