Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Panties = found
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
