The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize