God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
