Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize