Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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