i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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