found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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