He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
