I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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