I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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