Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wow bdsm is so cute
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
