cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
