So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
