I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You may now shotgun with the bride
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
