I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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