you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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