I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
