i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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