i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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