He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
