ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
