You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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