Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize