Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
