it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
