the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
