So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Congratulations! We have a period
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize