just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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