This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
